Young Bond
by Pernshinigami
Summary: Prequel to Heartsbond, in his Academy days Renji had a whirlwind romance with Shuhei that ended in the two of them breaking up. How did this happen? Years later, Renji tells a pregnant Ichigo the whole sorry tale. Renji/Shuhei, Komamura/Tousen, Yaoi lemon


Notes: After seeing a Renji/Shuhei slideshow to Hella good by no doubt, I figured I d write a short fic that takes place before Heartsbond. About Renji when he was in the Academy and /his/ first love. Its probably not going to be that long. Just five ten to twenty page chapters at most. Seriously, at twenty pages I ll end it.

So settle in for a long fanfic.

* * *

It was another year in the shinigami academy, and Renji was pretty bored so far. The only thing that he actually enjoyed, was that he d be sharing a room with Shuhei this year. It was Shuhei s last year in the Academy and he was going to be spending it sharing a room with Renji.

Their biology teacher beamed as she took the lecture stage. "This year we re going to begin class with a special lecture by Captain Unohana of the Shinigami 4th division. Please give her your full attention. We re going to be learning about the anatomy of a shinigami."

Unohana bowed politely as she took the lecture. "Good afternoon everyone. I m glad to be here. I give this lecture to many shinigami classes, my lecture is mainly on shinigami reproduction, which not all of you may know, is quite different from a human."

Unohana seemed to be gathering her thoughts together. "unlike in humans, a shinigami s reiatsu figures prominently in our reproductive processes. But the main difference is that in humans the male is incapable of bearing children. In shinigami however, it is /entirely/ possible for a male shinigami to become pregnant."

Renji sat bolt upright in his chair, blinking in surprise.

It was not uncommon for rukongai brats to sell themselves out for money, but Renji had never done so. He was still a virgin. And he d developed the strangest interests lately, fantasizing about Shuhei. That s part of why he was so eager to be sharing a dorm room with him. Renji had been hoping to seduce the sixth year student into sleeping with him.

Now he was glad he hadn t tried yet. Male shinigami could get pregnant? That was a new one.

"Yes, that is a shock I can tell from the expressions on your faces. Even you women will have many things to talk about. Shinigami form telepathic and empathic bonds between their lovers. It helps cement our relationships, makes us focus on searching for more lasting circumstances. Male and female, male and male, female and female, it doesn t matter. The potential is there for a same sex couple to reproduce, and the natural tendancy is for us to bond with those we become intimate with. If a relationship deteriorates, its possible to dissolve these bonds, but it tends to cause psychological stress to do so.

"And of course, if your bondmate dies, you risk death or suicidal behavior as well.

"Over the next couple of days, you ll be learning about this process of reproduction. I will be teaching you, and taking questions. Though if you are considering a relationship, please come to the fourth division for a consultation. There are charms to prevent pregnancy, and potions to prevent bonding. However, I warn you that antibonding potion is not considered a healthy option to take regularly. So please choose your sexual partners well.

Renji s face was slowly turning red from the blush. Unohana continued in her lecture, for he was not the only student present with a blush on his face.

* * *

"Unohana-taichou!" Renji ran after the Captain when the bell rang, dismissing the class for lunch.

The serene woman slowly turned around. Renji was out of breath, but she waited patiently for him to regain it. "I want to get a charm."

Unohana nodded silently. "I have time for a consultation right now student, what s your name?"

"Abarai Renji. I m a second year." He blushed. "I m hoping to er get involved with someone this term but..."

"Say no more." Unohana said with a small smile. "Follow me."

Blushing, Renji followed Unohana back to the fourth division. "Nurse Isane?" She called as she entered a front hall. "Renji this is one of my new nurses, Isane Kotetsu. Isane is exam room two open?"

"yes ma am, Ikemura just finished with it."

"Alright." She gave that serene smile to Isane. Isane blushed slightly, beaming up at Unohana in response.

"Wow, you re in the academy?" Isane asked Renji eagerly.

"er, yeah, second year."

"Cool, I just graduated last year. Good luuuuuck!" She said with a cheerful wave as Renji hurried to catch up to Unohana.

Smiling, Unohana indicated Renji sit on the exam table. "I m going to need to do a quick physical Renji. There s a gown at the top of the exam table." She indicated. "I m going to go out for about five minutes, get it on so that I can examine your body and your aura more closely."

"Yes ma am." Renji gulped nervously, but quickly changed and when Unohana came back he was sitting in the plain white yukata used for patients.

Unohana measured Renji s height and weight, then gave him a once over to make sure his spine and neck were aligned and his musculature was where it should be. She did ask a few questions about Renji s tattoos. What was in the ink they were made from? Any heavy metals? No? Good, those things were a health hazard to anybody who wanted body art. Be careful of them in the future.

Then when she was sure everything was physically in place. "now, I m going to show you something very cool." She said with a smirk.

Unohana flicked a light off, and then flicked another one. She carefully steered Renji in front of a mirror.

"It was as if an aurora had simply appeared around Renji s body. It was mainly a rich, vibrant crimson, with small bolts of pale blue and gold mixed in. "What the..."

"This is your aura. Your spiritual energy. Part of the process of fitting someone for a charm is to get some scans of your aura, and make sure there s nothing abnormal about it. Yours is quite healthy, though the shade of red is rather unusual. But its very volatile. It will need a custom job."

"Is that unusual? To have a volatile energy?"

"Nope, its quite common among red blooded male academy students, and red is a common aura color in the eleventh division. Tell me, are your sword skills very good?"

"oh." Renji blushed. "Pretty good yeah."

"I have to ask." Unohana was fiddling with some kind of crystal, running it up and down his aura. It was probably a scanner of some sort. "have you had sex before?"

"No. I... I got a crush on one of the older students last year. He was the teaching assistant? I want to get... *aherm* with him." Renji stammered, blushing furiously.

"I seeeeee..." Unohana s smile was mischievous for a moment, like she was bursting with some kind of huge secret that she was about to impart to Renji. "Alright, how was your kidou?"

"miserable." Renji replied as Unohana brought the scanner over to a small desk in the room. She switched the lights, so that the aura standing out around Renji s body disappeared. "Why?"

"I m going to use this dummy then to show you how to charge a charm." Unohana pulled out a tiny leaf charm made of jade, probably about an inch long. "This is the one I keep for personal use. See how there s a soft glow in the gem? You have to focus a small amount of your spirit energy into the charm to charge it. Not too much, just a spark."

Renji nodded, and gulped. "What if I mess up charging it?"

"Just how miserable was your kidou young man?" That was said more sternly.

"it blew up in my face." Renji replied. "Repeatedly."

Unohana chuckled. "Well this is very easy, and if it cracks, just bring the charm to me and I ll fix it for you."

"Is cracking bad?"

"It means the charm broke and you might get pregnant. So if it breaks, be careful."

Renji turned beat red.

"Don t worry, charms I make don t break very often." Unohana said firmly. "Only think of that if it does happen. Now dress, and come back after supper and I ll have yours ready for you okay?"

Renji nodded, Unohana left, then Renji dressed and hurried back to class.

* * *

It was late when Renji returned to his dorm room, charm in hand. Shuhei wasn t there. So Renji decided to slip off his kimono and try the charm on in the mirror. He let his kimono fall around his waist as he often did in sparring practice and opened the box the charm was in.

It was a tiny red tiger, a common jewelry design, carved from a solid red stone Renji didn t know the name of. He charged it with his hand, checked it for cracks to make sure he hadn t broken it, and then finding none, he laced the charm around his waist.

It fell around Renji s naval, sparkling there for a moment. Renji turned in front of the mirror, trying to imagine what his body might look like pregnant. Unohana had warned him that charms only lowered the chances of conception. They didn t completely prevent pregnancy and sometimes a person who used one got pregnant anyway. Pay attention to her lectures, and come see her if he had consistent nausea and headaches in the morning for more than a week.

"Looks sexy."

Renji jumped. Shuhei had entered the room while he was lost in thought. "Oh yeah um after the lecture I heard in class this morning I thought I should get one."

"oh really, who for?"

Renji flushed pink. "Um well..." Shuhei came up behind him, looking Renji over appreciatively in the mirror.

Renji turned around, then pulled Shuhei into a demanding kiss. Shuhei groaned, returning the kiss and looping his arms around Renji s waist. Renji delicately lapped his tongue at Shuhei s lips, and the upperclassman opened his mouth, meeting the other s tongue. When they finally pulled apart for air, Renji snickered. "Does that answer your question?"

Shuhei laughed, "I seeeeeeee, you plan on taking advantage of our rooming together."

Renji blushed. "Well... I... over the last year or so I ve started to like men. I ve never..." His blush went from pink to red. "I m still a virgin. I want to be with you." Renji said softly, resting his head against Shuhei s chest.

Shuhei blinked in surprise, hands slowly wrapping around Renji s waist. "And all that talk of bonding in your classes didn t scare you?"

Renji s ears turned red. "Well it did. But I well... you know what they say about love not willing to be denied?"

Shuhei sighed. "Alright, I m not with anyone currently. It couldn t do any harm." Shuhei leaned in to kiss Renji again. And Renji rapidly realized that Shuhei was making his dominance known. "Were you planning to wait or are you interested in having me now?"

"Now." Renji blushed, leaning against Shuhei s body lightly.

Shuhei chuckled, reaching to undo Renji s uniform hakama, kissing the redhead passionately, taking the lead. Renji blushed, reaching up to respond, looping his arms around Shuhei s neck and reaching for his obi.

Shuhei grinned, beating him too it. In two swift movements Shuhei and Renji were suddenly naked. Renji blushed, Shuhei s body was harder than his, ripped with muscle, and it only turned Renji on more.

Shuhei s hands wandered Renji s body, stroking the other s hips, a hand reaching down to squeeze his butt. Then the older man scooped Renji up in his arms, and set him down on the bed.

Shuhei grinned stupidly, moving down Renji s body to his member and taking it into his mouth. Renji squealed, face flushing red. He gripped the sheets tightly, surprised that the other started so quickly.

And then Shuhei throated him and Renji s scream of pleasure would have been audible to whatever poor soul was in the next room. But he didn t care. Shuhei was working his magic on Renji s member, and when he licked his way up the underside Renji almost came right then and there. He felt his Reiatsu start to intensify under the other s ministrations.

Shuhei grinned, "I see you like it." He smirked.

Renji s stupid expression had his new lover laughing. "Yeah, I move a little fast." Shuhei started digging through his drawers in the dresser his clothes were kept in. "I know I have the oil somewhere. Aaaaah..." He pulled out a small clay bottle of massage oil and then grinned at Renji. "Turn over."

"You don t need me to..."

"its appreciated. But..." and Shuhei pointed to his own erection. "I enjoy giving head so much that its all the excitement that I need." Indeed, Shuhei s erection twitched even as Renji eyed it. Renji chuckled. "Now on your hands and knees, I need to prep you or its going to hurt like hell."

Renji nodded, doing as he was told. After a few moments he felt a slick finger slip its way into his entry. Renji groaned, and Shuhei pressed a second finger in. He started scissoring the digits, stretching Renji s entry. Renji blushed, his hand slipped slightly. Shuhei patiently used his free hand to prop him up.

Then Shuhei hit that sweet little spot, and Renji yowled. Shuhei chuckled in his ear, "found it." And then he carefully spun Renji around so he was on his back. He positioned Renji so that his legs were resting on his shoulders and his erection was pressing at Renji s entrance. "Ready?"

"Hell yeah." Renji snickered.

"okay, pardon the pun, but here I come." Shuhei thrust in, swift and deft and Renji gasped, hands gripping the sheets in a white knuckle grasp. He let them go, closing his eyes and savoring the feel of his lover inside of him for the first time.

And that s when he felt it, something stirring in his heart, his reiatsu began to creep out, reaching up to Shuhei and coiling around him, pulling their hearts together. "Oh my" Renji lost his voice for the first time in his life.

Shuhei pressed his body against him, breathing hard. "it s the beginning of the bonding process." He husked, nibbling at the shell of Renji s ear. "Ready?"

Renji gulped. "I am." Shuhei pulled out a little, then thrust back in, out, in, out, in, out, in, building up a rhythm and searching for that one spot that would drive his lover wild.

Renji screamed in pleasure as his prostate was hit, sending flashes of white across his vision. His spiritual energy surged with each touch, lashing the room. Renji grabbed the bed beneath him, as the weak bunk rocked beneath him from his exertions, creeking and hitting the wall.

Renji began to shiver, to tremble, he felt it filling his insides, a warm, rolling, tingling sensation. And then he screamed in pleasure as he came, his Reiatsu reaching up, filling Shuhei s body. At the same time, Shuhei gasped, shoving into him once more and Renji felt Shuhei s reiatsu plunging into his body, filling him with warmth just as his orgasm filled him with his seed.

And then the bond kicked in, Renji groaned. Suddenly he was in that strange world he often found himself in in dreams, only this time he was with Shuhei. Their bodies were wrapped with bright red ribbons. Behind him he could see a shadow, low slung with a tail, but it was so blurry he couldn t even see it. And behind Shuhei renji could hear the clank of chains, and see a tall blurry black figure standing vigil.

**I ve been here before, I ve been here in my dreams. That shadow! I ve seen him before, at night, when I m in that lovely, halfway place between dreams and waking. I ve heard him calling me wait, him? How do I even know it s a boy?**

**Wait, Shuhei has one too, could that be my...**

Then his mind slammed into Shuhei s and he could hear his thoughts, feel his heart, his aura, his energy. They were two separate people made one.

Renji s vision cleared, he was halfway aroused again, the telepathic and empathic bonding of their souls had been a potent aphrodisiac, as it often turns out to be. Shuhei was the first to speak. "Renji damn you are fine." He licked his lips.

"I m up for more if you want to."

Shuhei chuckled, turning Renji over so that they were facing each other. "Then how about we look each other in the eyes this time?"

"Fine with me!"

* * *

"So did it go well Renji?" Renji had been browsing in the silver dragonfly shop when he heard a familiar female voice behind him.

"Unohana-taichou!" Renji blushed crimson. "It went /very/ well. Its been a week too, I think that charm worked, I m not feeling sick or anything so it has to be a good sign. And damn, Shuhei is pretty amorous."

"Hisagi hmm? Be careful with him, he broke the heart of one of our young male nurses. But I suppose it s a good sign if he was willing to bond with you, that s good for you both."

"Hmm? Why did he break his heart?"

Unohana frowned. "Shuhei has a reputation for being a player, but he wouldn t have bonded with you if he didn t intend to stay that way." She sighed. "I don t mean to create any mistrust between you, and its probably not my place to say anything. But do take care Renji alright? I don t want to see you in my division for a pregnancy exam without your mate by your side, am I clear?" Unohana said with a faint smile.

"Yes ma am!"

* * *

"So what happened?" Ichigo asked Renji curiously.

Wind and rain shook the soul society outside, lightning crashed, and Ichigo heard Korodo, who had been sent to keep an eye on Ichigo the last week or so before the baby was born. The modsoul could be heard screaming in fear and running down the hall. Ichigo was too heavy to have sex and didn t feel like moving. "I was getting to that love. Shuhei was not always so responsible. A lot of shinigami in the academy are young, naive, headstrong and have their share of faults. But Shuhei didn t break my heart in the way Unohana s nurse s was broken. Shuhei had broken his bond with that nurse by cheating on him, the two of us ended our bond by mutual consent. But as young and rash as I was, Shuhei s sexual appitite was something out of my wet dreams."

"So why d you break up?"

"I was getting to that."

* * *

Renji s confidence that he had escaped pregnancy lasted only another week, when he headed down the hall to breakfast and the smell of tea made his stomach turn. He ran down to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up.

"Renji are you okay?"

Renji had an oh shit moment. Momo was hovering at the doorway. The bathrooms were co-ed, only the actual bathing facilities were segregated. Meaning the women s bathroom and men s bathroom were the same. While by Ichigo s time this was changed, at the time it allowed Momo to enter with little trouble.

Peering out from behind her was a scrawny boy with a shock of wild, magnificently beautiful white hair. He was small, but he was wearing a male uniform, so he had to be a student. Renji thought he'd be very attractive if he just grew another foot and filled out to a more mature frame.

"Uh sure. Dun know what came over me Momo. I think a nice hot breakfast will take care of it." Renji chuckled.

"Its Shuhei isn t it? You slept with him! I heard the rumors!"

Momo s accusation made Renji groan. "Don t TELL anyone Momo please?"

"On one condition."

"Condition?"

"That you go see Unohana if this lasts longer than three days. Please?" Momo frowned. "Unohana is nice! She ll help you out!"

"You could always get rid of it." The boy blurted, then blushed.

"SHIRO-CHAN!" Momo was mortified.

"But he s only second year, he can t support a child or he ll have to drop out." The boy pointed out. "Its not rude, its common sense. Leave having babies for when he s an officer. After all, we have to fill out the ranks somehow right? Not all the shinigami students come from the rukon."

"Shiro-chan!" momo protested. "A pregnant shinigami can feel the baby s life force once their mind becomes aware of the pregnancy. He d be able to feel the child s reiatsu /as it dies!/ Do you know how horrifying that would be?"

"So? Its not a person until its born. (1) Do what you need to to survive right? I m from the upper rukon and I /still/ believe that."

"You re so MEAN SHIROCHAN!"

"Don t CALL me that Bed Wetting Momo!" The white haired boy stuck his tongue out at Momo, blushed hugely and ran off down the hall.

"That s my little brother, Toushiro Hitsugaya, he s a first year." Momo sighed. (2)

"He s just a kid."

"He scored higher than any two of us combined." By us she meant Izuru, Shuhei, Renji and Momo. Renji's immediate group of friends.

"holy crap, they need to put an age cap on who takes that test." Renji replied. He really did not feel well. The morning sickness was followed by a wave of headpain and just general feelings of sickness. "This has only happened once." Renji told Momo. "I still could have just eaten bad sushi." He suggested with a faint smile on his face.

**Love, are you alright?**

**Not well at all no. My head hurts like hell, and I just threw up last night's meal.** Renji whimpered.

**You don't think...**

**I do, but i'm not going to say it with Momo fretting over me. Or her bratty little brother saying I should get an abortion.**

**Why don't we see Unohana before we decide on anything?** Shuhei suggested.

**But I'm not even sure if I am yet. I'm just...**

**Renji, on a scale of one to ten how sick do you feel?**

**About an eight. And its been the same for the past three days.**

**Normal morning sickness is about a four. You're going to Unohana. I'm coming to meet you in the Academy front court and I expect you to come. I'm not going to let my bond mate suffer.**

**Thank you.**

Renji was so happy to see Shuhei right then. He took his lover's offered arm and they made slow progress to the Fourth division. Renji leaned on shuhei in the comfortable silence that their relationship so often quieted into. Shuhei squeezed his lover gently, wrapping an arm around Renji's hip.

As they walked away from the courtyard, Hitsugaya watched from the shadows of the academy building. fuh, mushy stuff. He turned and walked away. This whole bonding business seems iffy to me.

Unohana wasn't happy when Renji described his first bout of morning sickness. "Shuhei was right, it is, unnaturally strong for morning sickness." She placed a hand on Renji's forehead. "Your temperature is slightly elevated, but its the fact that you just threw up I think. Slowly drinking some room temperature water will settle your stomach and make up for the fluids you lost. But I want to examine you more carefully."

As Unohana led Renji and Shuhei to the exam room she used for dealing with pregnancies, she paused by a jug of water and poured a clay cup of room temperature water for Renji. "here Renji, drink." She handed it to Renji. "Drink it slowly, if you drink it quickly you'll throw up again. (3)"

Renji drank slowly as he followed Unohana into one of the interview rooms. She began to dig through one of the drawers. Renji sat on the exam table nervously. Unohana came back with a handfull of small crystals. "Lie down. Humans are working on creating a test to detect pregnancies, but until then we have these. (4)"

Renji did as he was told. Unohana began to place the small quartz crystals across his stomach. The crystals began to glow. One had a small blue line simply glowing across it. The second was a very pale pink. But the third turned a very, very angry red.

Renji's heart froze. Unohana blinked in surprise, the red glow died out, and the crystal clouded over and became disturbingly blank. "I'll be right back, Renji, I need to get a scanner." She picked up the crystals, taking them with her.

Unohana came back wheeling some kind of scanner with a screen. "Don't ask how that new Twelfth captain came by this machine, but he took it home from the human world and then created something far smaller and more efficient. I'm not sure what happened. That last crystal either doesn't react, or glows a pale white. Not bright red."

Renji gulped.

"Renji, its alright. I'll get to the bottom of this." Unohana rolled up her sleeves as she began to power up the scanner. She pulled out a tube of some kind of gel and a wand. "Go slip into a hospital gown." She handed one to him.

Renji went into the bathroom in the same suite and came out in the white robes reserved for those recovering. Unohana opened the robe at the stomach, "This will be a little cold." She spread the gel over Renji's abdomen.

Unohana was dreading what she was going to find. That was definitely a pregnancy she sensed, but something was wrong, /very/ wrong. Sometimes the healer regretted having a reputation for being stoic. But if she showed how she felt about every case that went badly her patients would freak out. Renji looked ready to bolt.

Renji felt like running away, and if his rational mind didn't already know that he needed this examination he would. Then Shuhei took his hand, twining their fingers. It was just the strength Renji needed.

Unohana began the ultra sound, Renji peering curiously at the monitor. "I... is it..." He stammered. His cheeks flushed with a very flattering blush, his eyes heartbreakingly hopeful.

Unohana took a closer look, and her heart sank. There was a baby there. But there was also absolutely no sign of life.

Sometimes this happened. It was very rare, and it always broke the heart of whoever it happened to. A child was concieved, but there was no life. If carried to term it would be born dead. The wisest action in this case was to abort as soon as the womb lysed at one month.

"Renji, I'm sorry."

"Wha... what?" Renji blinked. Unohana's expression had cracked, just barely, and Renji could see the pain in her eyes.

"You are pregnant, but there's no sign of life. Its very rare, but it happens. And its always heartbreaking when it does."

"N... no sign of... but how could that BE???? I'm strong! I'm a promising student and just as much a shinigami as you are, why? WHY?" Renji demanded. His face turned pure white, abject terror reflected in his eyes. Right then everything happened in a rush, he felt the child growing inside him, and somehow he felt sick. No, the baby was sick. Something was wrong with him. But what? Why? How?

"It... happens... the best thing to do in this case is to abort, but that can't be done until after the first month." Unohana's usually serene expression turned sad, and this time she didn't bother to hide it.

"Wh... wha... why????" Renji demanded.

Unohana sighed. "In order to give birth, the male shinigami body slowly alters itself over the course of the pregnancy. Right now you don't have the right openings to perform the proceedure. At about one month, the female opening appears. Which is the point we need to get to to perform an abortion."

"So I have to stay like this, with a dead... for a whole month????" Renji demanded, eyes widening in horror. Right then, Renji just wanted to die. He could take all kinds of pain, but not this. Never in his life had Renji felt that way. Now that his conscious mind was aware of it, Renji could feel that the child was there, and could feel no life inside of him either. For someone as warm and full of life as Renji it was torture.

Shuhei felt incredibly guilty, he could feel renji's pain and terror coming down their link like an electric shock. **Renji... i'm sorry... I...**

**Its not your fault. It isn't!** Renji sobbed down their link. **There's something wrong with me. **

Unohana cleaned up, wiping the gel away. The medic felt absolutely drained, emotionally and spiritually numb. But that could be nothing compared to what Renji must be feeling right now.

Renji cried the whole way back to their dormitory. And when they collapsed on their bunk, there was a knock on the door.

It was Momo, Hitsugaya trailing behind her. The dumb grin on Momo's face made Renji want to punch her. "So, is it true? Are you really pregnant?" She bounded in, eager to find out if Renji were going to have a baby or not.

Then she realized that Renji was not in very good shape. "Oh no, what happened?"

Hitsugaya was silent, watching from behind his sister.

"I am Pregnant."

"Then thats a good thing right?"

"No, because the baby... Momo there's no signs of life there. None. I'm pregnant, with a dead baby." Renji's crying was renewed, curled up in a ball in Shuhei's arms. "And I have to wait a whole month before I can get it... removed." Renji just cried and cried and couldn't stop.

Suddenly, there was a small body climbing up on the bed and wrapping its arms around him. Hitsugaya tried to comfort Renji, wrapping his arms against Renji and snuggling his face into his side. Yeah, he wasn't good at that sort of thing. But Hitsugaya had found that he was increasingly sensitive to other people's reiatsu, and he could feel how much pain Renji was in right then. He could feel it so keenly that it hurt him.

"You'll be alright. You have to hang on. Things will get better. I know it seems like everything is horrible right now. But it will get better. You have a lot of chances ahead of you, you'll get to have children again." Hitsugaya told Renji gently. "Just hang on for a little while you'll be fine again. And you'll get the chance to try again."

Shuhei sighed. "Hitsugaya, I know you're trying to help, but what matters to him right now is now."

**Make them go away love, please? I don't want to talk.** Renji mumbled.

"Alright, all of you /out./" Shuhei said firmly. "Renji's completely exhausted, emotionally and physically and you're not helping."

As soon as everyone was gone, Renji simply passed out, half from shock, half from exhaustion, half from the crippling depression that was now starting to threaten his normally energetic mind.

"So it wasn't viable. That has to be horrible." Ichigo mumbled into Renji's hair. He was lying on his side, curling up against Renji's body. While his posture was sleepy, Renji could tell that Ichigo was wide awake and curious.

Renji looked up into his mate's eyes from where he had his face pressed to Ichigo's swollen stomach. "That was the only time in my life that I truly wanted to die."

"don't say that! You're here, with /me/ now." Ichigo shifted, changing their positions so that his face was pressed into the hollow of Renji's neck. "If you had died then, where would /we/ be now?" He asked. "I don't want to even think about my life without you."

Shuhei became very concerned by Renji's depression the next few days. He became listless, both in and out of class. His kido didn't even blow up for once in his life. And at night he just lay there in Shuhei's arms, numb and week. Occasionally he'd kiss, or snuggle, but he wasn't feeling the same fire. It was hard for Shuhei to see his beloved suffer so, especially when he was tuned into that suffering.

So he headed for the 9th one day during lunch, to ask Tousen for some advice. Shuhei was planning on joining the 9th division when he graduated at the end of the year. So he would shadow 9th division members, and their captain, for their duties. Tousen had said that if he ever needed anything, to never hesitate, he'd help.

As Shuhei approached his mentor's office however, he heard noises. Mmph, mumble... "Saijiiiiiiin..."

Shuhei had been promiscuous enough in his academy days to know a sex moan when he heard one. He got up on tiptoes, peering into the window to Tousen's office, and blushed hugely. A dumb grin spread over his face. Tousen had a guest. A very tall and muscular guest. The room was dark, so he couldn't see the face of Tousen's partner.

Shuhei decided to sit down outside Tousen's office and wait.

This was something Tousen had been waiting for. He'd been sleeping with Komamura with heavy anti bonding potion and birth control charms on. He'd been concerned that if they bonded, Komamura would discover his plan and his trechery towards Kensei only a few decades in the past.

Aizen had shown him how to barrier specific information in his mind away from Komamura. And one he was sure the barrier was secure, Tousen had told Komamura that it was time to bond. Tousen didn't want children right then, he was not ready to throw off the bridles of birth control and throw caution to the winds. If he was planning to rebel and betray soul society, he didn't want to leave a child, or multiple children behind. And his blindness would have been too much of a sorrow if he were to bear children. If he ever had kids of his own, he'd have wanted to be able to see their faces. Vision was impossible for him, and so Tousen would have been sad because he couldn't look his children in the eye.

So they had met over lunch, and by the time Shuhei had found them the only thing either captain was wearing were the kimono half of their uniforms. Komamura sat down hard with a loud thud, Tousen sitting in his lap, erection sticking straight up. Tousen groaned, grinding his hips to Komamura's and calling his name wantonly when he felt the delicious friction between their erections. "Saiiiijiiiin!" Tousen moaned, pressing his body against Komamura's furry torso.

Komamura rumbled eagerly, leaning down to lick at Tousen's lips, his version of a kiss. Tousen responded, opening his mouth and pressing his body against the other and wrapping his arms around Komamura's neck. They'd done it enough times before that Tousen knew exactly what part of Komamura's body was where. There was no fumbling, only surety.

As he clung, pressing his face to Komamura's soft, furry torso, he felt a single, slickened fur covered digit pressing into his entrance. Tousen relaxed his muscles, blank eyes fluttering closed. Komamura's fingers were very big, and the canid nails on their tips sometimes pinched during prep. It was very hard to relax when he accidentally pinched.

The other hand deftly wrapped itself around Tousen's member, distracting him from any discomfort. Komamura's hands had pad like callouses on them, that, when combined with the fur, made a very pleasurable texture. Tousen couldn't see, and so sensation to him was more important than looks.

A second finger joined the first, causing Tousen's breath to hitch. The questing fingers didn't seek out his sweet spot, that would come later. They focused only on slickening and stretching Tousen's passage. Komamura could feel Tousen's arms trembling where they gripped his shoulders. "Kaname, I'll be as gentle as I can..." The sheer desire in Komamura's voice rendered it husky. He removed his fingers, and put something much more satisfying at Tousen's entrance instead. "You are... beautiful..."

"And so are you... my lovely Saijin." Tousen was extremely attached to Komamura,he would miss the canid taichou when he finally had to leave. Their reiatsu began to mix in the beginnings of the bond.

Tousen grimaced as Komamura slipped the tip in. The canine taichou was not spectacular in the length department. But his member had enough girth to make entry uncomfortable. So Komamura took entry slowly. Tousen was very tempted to just drop and impale himself on the other's erection to make things move more quickly. But he knew that if he did that he'd tear himself. The first time he and Komamura had had sex Tousen had come away bleeding, and even though Komamura had tried to comfort his aching back, tousen learned to be more careful.

By the time Komamura was halfway in, Tousen's arms were shaking. Komamura started licking his cheek, plying reiatsu to his koi's hurts. Every touch left a tingling on tousen's skin.

Then Komamura was all the way in. It was only as Tousen adjusted to his girth that Komamura got a glimpse of the window and saw Shuhei's head peeking up over the sill. His back was to the window, but Komamura could sense a faint blush in Shuhei's reiatsu. He'd been so busy with Tousen he'd missed that they were needed. Oh well, Shuhei was waiting, patiently, he could wait a few minutes longer.

"Kaname, are you alright?" Komamura asked.

Tousen's erection was sagging slightly from the strain of entry, and Komamura remedied that by wrapping a hand around the shaft and pumping, using the pads on his fingers as extra stimulation.

It worked, within a few minutes Tousen was shuddering against him in pleasure, panting heavily.

"Kaname, my lovely, are you ready?"

"Yes. G... gomen... that took more than I expected."

Komamura chuckled, lifting Tousen slightly on his member. Tousen using his grip around Komamura's shoulders as leverage. Up, and down, up, and down. It was slow at first, picking up speed.

Tousen felt his reiatsu rising, melting into the powerful form that embraced his. Komamura started to lick at his neck and shoulders, a sign that he was enjoying the intimacy of their auras beginning to mix.

And then Komamura hit that one spot in Tousen's body that made him /howl./ Tousen lost it, just lost it, head falling back in pleasure as his body began to jerk. Speeding up in an almost desperate bid for release. The Reiatsu rising in the air was as heated as a humid summer day. Sweat was making tousen's grip slick.

He was close, so close, every hit to his prostate made Tousen's aura sink deeper into Komamura's, and Komamura's the same. Tousen groaned, "close." he husked. "So... close..."

Komamura growled, wrapping his fingers around the shaft of Tousen's member, and began to pump, kneading with the padded balls of his fingertips that Tousen liked the texture of so much. Tousen screamed in pleasure as he came. "SAIJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN!"

Komamura howled, literally, thrusting once more into his beloved. The knot in his erection expanded, holding it inside of Tousen as he spilled over. (5) Tousen jerked, Komamura's energy flooding into his body, pulling tantalizingly on Tousen's own aura and binding their hearts together, strong and fast.

Tousen was treated to an incredible show, Komamura's memories, experienced as one would with actual eyesight. The dazzling array of colors and lines gave Tousen a headache after a lifetime of darkness. Time slowed down, and the last thing Tousen saw before the memories, and the disorientation that came with them, ended, was his face as Komamura saw it, soft dark brown skin, sightless eyes sparkling with warmth and tenderness as they sought, and failed to find, Komamura's golden ones, a heavy calloused hand reaching out to stroke his cheek.

Then it was gone. Darkness again. Tousen realized that every time he bonded with a new mate, he'd go through the same dizzying two or three minutes of empathy that seemed to last a lifetime. It would be the only time in his long, long life as a shinigami that Tousen would ever experience sight. Through the eyes of his lover. It was bitter sweet, for the blind captain wished he wouldn't have to essentially borrow someone else's eyes to even see in hindsight. Blast his cursed body.

Tousen could feel that he was in his inner world, Komamura's arms wrapped around him. He could hear the roaring of flames, and Suzumushi was singing eagerly. Tousen could sense her rushing to greet a massive figure rearing up behind Komamura. Tousen could feel the heat and crackle of flames coming off this other person, Komamura's zanpakuto spirit? Was that what was looming over his master's shoulder and eyeing him with all the shyness of a young woman, not a big, powerful giant like the one Tousen sensed was there?

Then they were back in the corporeal world, Tousen leaning exhaustedly against Komamura.

Komamura whispered into his koi's mind. **Tousen, Hisagi-kun is back again. He's been waiting.**

Tousen could feel Komamura lifting him onto the futon in his office, the one that they used for curling up on after they had sex. Tousen felt his lover covering their nakedness with the blankets they kept on it. "Hisagi... i'm sorry to keep you waiting. Can you please keep that to yourself?"

"Sure." Shuhei replied. "I needed... to talk to you. I'm having some difficulties with Renji and I could use some more experienced advice."

"Difficulties?" Komamura didn't know the boy as well as Tousen did.

"I thought you got along well." Tousen asked, without asking.

"Renji... he's... he's pregnant. Only the child isn't viable. He's carrying a dead baby and he has to stay that way for a month before Unohana can fix him. He's so depressed. He only goes to his classes. He won't leave his room. And I can feel it, the pain he's feeling, right down my link with him it hurts so bad." Shuhei wiped at his eyes.

Tousen pointed to the end of the bed. "Sit." He pulled the covers up so that they covered his nakedness, trying to gather his thoughts as he considered what to say to Shuhei. Tousen snuggled into Komamura's arms, still wrapped around his waist. He could tell, from the way he shifted his weight, that he was bleeding again. He'd felt fine when they were having sex. But more often than not afterwards he'd found that he had over exerted himself, and torn his passage or entrance.

"Right now, your lover renji can feel that he's pregnant, and he can feel that the child is dead. Thats why he's in such pain. A long time ago, in my own academy days, my roommate ended up the same way. He left his lover because he felt an intense amount of shame about the experience. Don't be surprised if he leaves you, and blames himself for what happens."

Shuhei felt his heart clench in anxiety. "But why? Why did this happen? Renji and I are both strong, we're both healthy. There shouldn't be any problems or complications!" He said, his distress plain in his tone and Komamura felt his heart break as Shuhei looked into Tousen's eyes, begging.

"Shuhei... over the past six years of your training you have slowly been transforming from a human into a shinigami. So has Renji. But for you, the transformation is nearly complete. And so you would not have this problem if you were carrying rather than Renji. Renji's transformation is not complete. He has more of a chance of complications, including this one, and more of a chance of miscarriage. He can bond, but his body is not yet matured to the point where it can carry a baby. Even if the pregnancy were viable, it is not, health wise, a good idea to bear a child before you have finished your academy training. Renji would be risking permanent damage to his ability to bear more children. He'd risk many types of bleeding damage. Perhaps warning him of the dangers to his health, might ease some of his guilt. Comfort him as best you can. But don't be surprised if, when he recovers, that he leaves you."

"Try to coax him to intimacy." Komamura suggested. "Perhaps some pleasure might ease his pain a little. And it will let you know that you are not upset with him that he wasn't strong enough to successfully bear a child."

Shuhei had some good ideas now about how to comfort Renji. But the thought of losing him, not to death or illness or old age but to shame, made his heart spin in fearful circles. "Thank you, I should... get going now..."

Shuhei got up and left. Tousen groaned, stretching and feeling his lower back and hips protest. "I think I'm bleeding love, can you..."

"of course." Tousen stretched out flat and rolled over onto his stomach, and Komamura massaged his koibito's lower back while he checked. "You're right, its just a little." Komamura leaned down and licked the shell of Tousen's ear tenderly. "I'll get something to clean you up. And give you a massage." Tousen felt Komamura's length, half hard, rubbing against his leg.

"Mmmm, love you're hard again. I can use my mouth if you need more."

"I'll be fine until I get you cleaned up." Komamura insisted. The strong desire to repeat his experience, especially with the full force of the lust he felt for Tousen, lust he'd always kept in check before, returning to his mind had caused Komamura to go half hard again.

Tousen chuckled into his head. **Thats why I suggested I use my mouth.**

**And you are very skilled with it, especially considering that I'm about two sizes too big for you love.**

**Its no trouble really.** Tousen insisted. Komamura was already sensitive about his physical appearance. He didn't want him to think that he was, /ever/ trouble, painful, a bother, or anything of the kind.

Komamura came back with a cloth dampened with warm water. Tousen felt him begin to clean his bleeding entrance, periodically leaning down to lick at his neck or cheek. One hand moved the cloth, the other massaged his lover's back and buttocks. Tousen groaned, the lust filtering into his mind from his koi was enough to make him want much more than they'd already done.

Komamura was startled when Tousen whirled, pinning him to the bed. I don't think... I want to wait. He tossed the cloth Komamura had been using on the floor and wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him demanding and fervent. Tousen felt Komamura's throat vibrate as he nuzzled it. A long, low, appreciative growl drawn from the canid taichou's throat.

Meanwhile, Shuhei entered their bedroom at the shinigami academy. "Renji?"

"Shuhei, where did you..."

"I went to see a mentor of mine, I'm sorry I left you alone, and I want to talk to you. But first..." Shuhei pulled Renji into a fervent, passionate kiss. "Please..." He begged. "Let me ease your pain. I can't stand seeing you like this. It hurts."

Renji hesitated at first, then leaned into the kiss with a slow groan as he felt a powerful sense of comfort easing down their link. He relaxed into Shuhei's advances, surrendering to the other's lust. Even when truly all he wanted was physical affection, rather than sex.

The two of them had sex, nearly every day while they waited for Renji's entry to lyse. Shuhei salved Renji's pain with affection. Renji was brought to the ER when he finally reached the one month mark, for him, lysing had been accompanied by a fever.

Tousen was right, Renji waited exactly one month after Unohana performed the abortion to leave him. The two toasted the vials containing the potion that would remove their bond, and never spoke of what happened again.

They rose in the ranks evenly over the next few decades. Renji didn't love again until Ichigo, years later. Part of him was frightened of a repeat of their academy days, part of him felt that he wasn't in a position to risk getting pregnant again. While Izuru went through his own personal hell and Tousen grappled with the day he'd have to tear his bond away and leave Komamura, Renji stayed away from romance. But that, is a story for another day.

* * *

1. In some states, a fetus is not legally considered a person until its born, as is commonly shown in Law and Order reruns.

2. In the bleach canon, there isn't much information about how shinigami behave when they're in the academy or what happens there. In this case the shinigami speak the way some Harry Potter wizards do, referring to students by their year. First year, fifth year, ecetera.

3. My period regularly makes me throw up, one time in the psychiatrist's office that I was supposed to be doing intake in I threw up, got a drink of /cold/ water from the fountain. The cold water made me sick again. So even though you lose a lot of fluids from throwing up, rapidly drinking cold water will make you sick all over again. My mother reccomended powerade or gatorade, which replaces electrolytes as well as fluids.

4. I have absolutely no idea when pregnancy tests were invented. I looked up ultra sound, and it turns out it first became used in a medical form in the 1940's.


End file.
